Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
