I smell stomach acid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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