Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
