so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
this hospital has no fireball
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
