You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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