So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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