Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
