1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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