The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I looked at my own cervix.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
