wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
