Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
