the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
