Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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