I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
