Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
