why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
