She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
