remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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