Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
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