it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
