the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
