I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
