I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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