They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
