I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
