I want to walk on stilts...naked
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
