I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
