why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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