You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
