hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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