She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i drank out of a bidet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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