Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
