I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
