At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
