I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
