Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
