their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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