Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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