On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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