bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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