I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
