Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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