She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
