im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i out mim tonsoeep
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
