We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
