I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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