Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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