I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
