Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
