I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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