i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
