Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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